They say you can never go Home...

Soldiers of Sparta were allowed to return home after lost battles, only if carried dead upon their shields. I'm convinced this is a more practical and time-saving way to go about it.

Monday, July 19, 2004

Double the deal, Double the Entendre

I admit it: I have a bit of a weakness for things that come of out Bath and Body works.  Certainly, I do feel a bit less of a man, strolling in all flipflops and poloshirts, to find some aromatherapy lotion that will help me get a good sleep. But you know, sleep is quite a valuable thing, and therefore, I'm willing to shell out a few bucks and take a hit on the old Pride, even if it makes me look like the kind of guy who might knit, or highlight his hair, or even shave his scrotum occasionally. 
I surreptitiously perused the pinkish baskets of floral-scented goodness, and when I had enough, I oiled up to the counter where a knock-out brunette was at the register. At the last moment, I chose to rifle through a basket of lipstick-sized air fresheners, whose smells included, among others, "fresh linen." I must have looked a big agonized, because the brunette leaned forward and said silkily, "You know you want it."
Taken aback, and embarrassed, and somehow simultaneously turned on, but wishing to look bold, masculine, in-control, and directed--directed! "I made decisions easily and powerfully!"--I bought it.
She gave me my total, and I gave her exact change for the amount.
"Wow, you're the first person that's given me exact change today!"
I was going to start stammering, having fallen into a narcotic wooziness induced by all the feminine energy around me, and become shy in front of this Vision of Brunette Loveliness,--start to explain about the handy change purse that I bring with me, which is just perfect for exact change scenarios, like paying for that soy chai to sip while reading Memoirs of a Geisha.
But instead, I leaned forward and said in a husky voice, "Gosh, I've always wanted to be someone's First."
To which, she turned a heart-vibrating hue of red.